The Paparazzo who loved me
by alotmoreofmagic
Summary: An actor. A paparazzo. Both two sides of the Hollywood coin. One cannot exist without the other. They were not supposed to meet. They were not supposed to love. But life had other plans.
1. Prologue

_**AN - **This idea has been germinating inside me for a long time. I always wanted to write a fan fiction. But never thought I could. This is my small experiment to see if I can. I have after all been reading well written fan fiction that is written better than so many books for close to a year now or even longer. _

_I decided to take the plunge after the Rob Pattinson paparazzi incident in Malibu. Though I will sometimes use real names of actors this is the product of my own fevered imagination._

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. I am just borrowing them. **

**The Paparazzo who loved me**

_Prologue_

The noise. It is the first thing you hear. Like the distant roar of a churning ocean.

And then there are the waves. Oh yes, there are waves. Of energy. Unseen, but their presence is felt. Of Expectations. Questions.

As I sit behind the darkened glass of the limo and patiently await my turn to walk down the red carpet, I wonder. Is this what I signed up for ?

I always wanted to be an actor. Ever since I can remember, I have never been comfortable in my own skin, but put me on stage or screen to play someone else and I transform. I become someone else. Easily. But I never find it quite so easy to slip into being me again.

Now here I am at only 25, living my dream. Who am I ? A Hollywood prince, fantasy of millions, unwitting benefactor of tabloid magazines and gossip sites, unwilling employer of paparazzi.

Fame. It is a double edged sword. One day I was struggling to pay my bills, the next I am buying my Veyron. I will let you figure out which day is the one I prefer.

But does that mean I also must give up things I like and once took for granted ? The simple joy of a morning jog. Head down, Headphones on. Just the sidewalk and me. In the morning sun. Alone. Bike rides.

The company of people, mostly strangers, a glass of wine or beer in a neighborhood bar, listening to musicians some bad, some good, all starting out. Grocery shopping. Just driving with the window down , rock and roll blasting. And singing loudly and badly if I want to.

People have said I have the freedom to do the same now and what is different. Well, I would like to do it without strange people following me around while I drive, shop, run. Thankyouverymuch.

Is it so shocking to want to keep a part of myself private ? People know my height, my hair and eye color, the names of my family, friends, siblings, exes, pets, where and what I studied, my favorite color, books, movies, whether I am in LA or location shooting. Hell they even know my play list.

I've even answered the infamous 'Boxers or Briefs' question. Some even stare at my crotch in red carpet pictures trying to measure my state of arousal.

Pictures of my face stare at me wherever I go. It is surreal to watch a life size cardboard figure of my likeness stare back at me.

I will never be prepared to watch people burst into tears at the sight of me, hug me until I can barely breathe, tell me how much I have influenced their lives, ask to touch my hair, hold out their hand to touch a part of me as I walk by. Look at me in anticipation and hyperventilate when I smile absently in their direction.

I never asked for this, I only asked to be a working actor. The money, cars, houses, travel are all nice. But can I also have my privacy back ?

People say this a part of my job. Of being an actor. That this is the price of fame today. Well fuck me sideways, for I must have missed the fine print when I signed up for being one.

I do not go to restaurants where the papps congregate. Fame whores do that. Any drinking and smoking of illegal substances I do at home. I have tried to keep my dating life private. But yet people are hungry for more. I do not understand the fascination.

I have tried complaining. To my manager, to my agent, in interviews, to the god damn papps themselves. And I am labeled 'ungrateful'. And repeatedly told 'there are a hundred thousand people waiting tables who will be willing to play the game'. And would exchange places with me.

So I am generally pictured in a snarly, grumpy mood. And if I am pushed, I may even show the middle finger salute.

The limo has pulled up to the red carpet. I must put 'my game face on' as they say. I wish I had taken a full valium instead of a half one.

The door opens, I step out. The Noise. It's deafening. But I pretend the noise is the distant roar of the ocean. And take calming breaths. Run a hand through my sex hair *insert eye roll* (which of course the world already knows I am doing because I am nervous)

I pose, walk, turn, smile, answer questions, slip my arm around my co-star. My pretty, female, married co-star.

The night lights up with a million flashlights. And the pictures immortalized. Blasted around the world. For billions of eye balls to gawk at, analyze, admire, tweet, face book, ponder, fantasize.

And at last it is over. Now where is that fucking drink ?

The name is Edward Cullen. Actor. This is my life. The life I never signed up for and that came with the job I always wanted.


	2. A Mother's Love

**Disclaimer: SM owns all characters. I just get to play with them !**

**Suggested listening : Celine Dion "A Mother's Prayer"**

**BPOV**

I was dreaming. I was back at Forks. Walking the beaches again. The driftwood littering the sand, the rocks in the distance. It was peaceful. It was home. No horns honking in the distance. No wailing children or barking dogs. Just me and my iPod. And Jacob Black by my side. As usual.

We have been friends for as long as I can remember. Our families always hoped we would be more, but Jacob was my friend, who I knew everything about, shared everything with, who helped me through my awkward changes, who was my prom date, even my first kiss. But there was always that line I did not cross. Not for lack of trying on his part. He was tall, handsome, muscular. He told me a million times he loved me and wanted more, And the girls on the reservation and in town thought I was leading him on and would love to trade places with me, but he did not make my heart beat faster. Though I was a typical tomboy I suppose with my jeans, hoodies and chucks, I was a romantic at heart. An old world romantic if you will. For I lost myself every chance I got in books like 'Pride and Prejudice' ,'Wuthering Heights', 'Jane Eyre' where the men were brooding and the women pined after them.

The house and family I grew up in were small, but warm. Just Dad, Mom, my brother and I. Charlie, Renee, Mike and Bella. Charlie was the police chief, Renee kept home and we both were students. Just your typical all American family. Oh, we did not have a perfect life. Though Renee and Charlie had married young, Renee had problems ovulating. Renee always wanted children of her own and when she finally had me, it was almost a miracle. But the magic never happened again. But Renee always had a big heart and five years later when Charlie arrested a foster family who was starving a little golden haired boy, Charlie brought him home to live with us. Mike, who became my brother. And our family was complete when my parents adopted him. And my Mom ! Oh my mom was ecstatic. My beautiful, golden haired angel of a mom. She tried so hard to give us a childhood as perfect as we ever could want, especially Mike. The cookie baking, mini van driving, Halloween costume making mom. All the cliches you can think of, she was all that and more. She never helicopter parented. But she was always there. Soccer matches, ballet practice, Seemed like all the kids in the neighborhood and school were always in our house. I was popular because of my mom. She never let me be anything but myself. She had once been a cheerleader and wore dresses, heels and make up just because. Even though I suspect she would have loved a princess type girl who loved pink, sparkles, make up and dresses for a daughter, she never once made me feel bad that I was a tom boy instead.

But nothing lasts forever and the world as we knew it came crashing down. When I was 16, Renee was diagnosed with cancer. Ovarian cancer. I was forced to grow up. Learn to cook, do laundry, clean house. All the things that were magically taken care of before. Now Renee needed me. There were meals to prepare, a house to clean, appointments to drive her to, Mike to look after, oh and in between SATs to prepare for. Charlie did his best to be there for us, but since he was called away at odd hours it was on me the burden of taking care of Renee fell upon. I did not resent it. For 16 years my mother had taken care of me and given me a happy childhood. The least I could do was return the favor though I did not look at it like that. So I made her soup when she could not keep anything down, combed her hair and cried with her when the chemo caused the hair to fall, made scrap books, wrote journals, watched old movies and made memories. We talked and reminisced through it all. Renee knew she had little time left and she tried to prepare Mike and me for life and pass on whatever she could. She even sewed my prom dress. We hoped she would beat it. She did. For a while. Until it came back with a vengeance and attacked almost all her organs.

Slowly my friends stopped coming except Jacob. For who would want to be around a house on death watch or a life on hold. The life which was on hold was mine. I abandoned my college prep to be there for Renee. And when Renee finally slipped into the other world, I would be lying if I did not say a part of me felt relief. Now I could finally get on with my life. Except I did not know what exactly to do with it. I had focused so much on caring for Renee that the last 4 years of my life had been a blur.

Oh I did not waste them. Finished high school, went to the prom, took the odd community college course, learned to play the guitar, focused on my photography, wrote a journal, even published a book of poems. But unlike any typical 20 year old, well even one who lived in Forks, I did not know pop culture and who dated whom or who was the latest 'it' actor. I had barely time to watch TV or go to the movies.

So it was all a shock to me when one day I just happened to show Jacob some video I had taken on the beach the previous day and he excitedly pointed to the couple passionately kissing and said 'Do you know who that is?'. Well shoot me, for apparently I had unwittingly taken a video of some actress and her rumored boyfriend. Her married, rumored, director boyfriend. I swear I had set it up to capture the sunset while I was loitering the beach taking pictures of the rocks, but they had wandered in my field of vision. How can that happen you ask ? Well, beats me. But there it was.

Now any other person would probably have uploaded it to you tube or something. Not Jacob Black. He immediately saw dollar signs. He contacted a few paparazzi web sites and the next thing you know, we are getting a check in the mail for $20,000. Each. Well, pull another one. Who knew this video could make so much money ? The fall out of the video was that when the director's wife found out, she filed for divorce. There were children involved. I told myself it was not my fault that any of this happened. If any homes were broken, it was by the people involved, I just happened to document the proof. But a part of me always wondered was I a factor in any of this ? When I had a conscience attack, I thought of the $20,000 safely stashed away and how that was the only money I ever earned in the last 4 years. The means maybe questionable, but the money was nice.

As for Jacob Black, the money he earned and how easy it was, refused to go away. He was in touch with the paparazzi agency. He began talking about the two of us moving to LA. Charlie was OK. Mike was 15. They did not need me. What would I do buried in Forks ? What options had I ? Become a waitress ? A teacher ? Well, one had to have a college degree to become one and money was needed for that. Jacob spoke of working for a few years in LA as a paparazzi, making some money and coming back to Forks. He could work full time on his dream of owning a custom motorcycle shop. While in LA, I could even try my hand in a music career. Hey, I did sing and play a little, wrote decent songs and if Britney Spears who could do none could make it, why not me, eh ? And I could finally save some money to go to college. I had options.

How would we support ourselves ? Well, by working as paparazzi of course. Jacob had a plan for that as well. We would be a team. Jacob would be the mean, stereo typical paparazzi trying to muscle his way, shouting obnoxious questions at celebs and looking for a reaction. I would be a casual bystander who just happened to have a camera. And snap pictures of course. It worked like a charm. And pretty soon we upgraded our cameras to powerful telephoto ones which made us get the coup shot of the eighth Brangelina baby adopted from Ethiopia even before it had to chance to debut in People Magazine. Of course Jacob took the credit/blame for it. But it was me, all me. Who sat up high on a tree and took the picture in a few minutes the nanny took the baby out for a bit of sun. We shared the money of course. But my name never appeared. It was like I was never there. I actually liked that. The hours suited me. Much more than a desk job. I could sing in bars, work late, sleep late. And the pay was good. If I had a few conscience attacks on the way, well, they were millionaires after all and with the perks their jobs got, they could support a few struggling paparazzi like Jacob and me.

Thus I exchanged the rocky, cloud covered beaches of Forks for the sunny, sandy beaches of Malibu, California.

Once again just my iPod and me. Except this time with a camera. Jacob Black by my side. Well, except I was waiting in a car and he was waiting somewhere outside. We never acknowledged each other outside.

A loud buzz of a text message from Jacob awakened me. Time to go to work.

Target in view. Matthew McConaughey jogging on the beach.

**A/N: So far the response has been more than I ever dared hope for. Some reviews, DMs, a few favorites. I thought I could barely write a sentence. Shockingly, I have actually written more than one. And actually around 5000 words. Know what that means don't you ? I have more, But some Twific ****is so good and is better than some books I have paid money for. So, I will not put out something I am not at least sure one person other than me will want to read. Why are my telling you this ? Because of updates. I do not have a regular schedule planned. I have a family, I also work. But I am currently on a break for summer vacation. So the initial part will be updated faster. I cannot always promise it will happen. What I can promise is this will not be long. I cannot write 50+ chapters. I do not have the patience for it. **

**Before I go, I want to say thanks to CarvedKid (my first review), Donna, JeansnBling (the author of 'Seeking Asylum) for actually tweeting this,my DM buddies,my IMDB buddies, the people who have put me on story alert (how did you find me ? lol). Most of all I want to thank the amazing authors who have inspired me to write. I always took for granted your work. I never realized how much work went in.**

**If you will be so kind, Review please. Thanks !**


	3. A Hurricane of a life

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight belong to SM. This is an original idea and work by me.**

**Thanks to Sunbug for being my beta..**

**Suggested Listening: Scorpions "Rock you like a Hurricane"**

EPOV

We were at dinner. Tanya and I. She considered herself my girlfriend. My fuck buddy. That is how I would characterize her. She always found a way to slip my name into any conversation she had with anyone who shoved a mike in her face. She used my name to get contacts and contracts. It irritated me, but I suppose it was a trade off. I liked models. She was one of the biggest ones around. But whenever she used the 'L' word, I had to smirk. I was a jaded Hollywood actor, but even I had eyes and the sense to recognize true love and soul mates. They were sitting opposite me. My dearest friends in all the world. Tyler Crowley and Lauren Mallory. They were both actors like me. Lauren was an academy award nominated one too. Tyler was the typical Hollywood heart throb. Except he was anything but. He was a Hollywood kid. I was an outsider. First his grandfather, then his father worked in the industry. But they did not have the success Tyler had. A few movies set in outer space and his career was on overdrive. He would have been my direct competition, but when we were introduced at an industry event early in my career, we both clicked. And became fast friends.

We did not do the typical 'Entourage' club thing. We worked out together, took motorbike rides along PCH all the way to San Francisco. We 'dated'. Well, when I say dated I mean slept around. Tyler liked variety. Reality TV stars, actresses, waitresses, models. I was into models. Hair color, eye color, skin color, American, International did not matter. I was not looking for anything serious and as long as they walked a runway I would look their way. There were many others in Hollywood who were into models exclusively like me. But they were a lot more powerful and rich. So they got the best. The rare ones with a well endowed breast or butt or a brain. The ones that went on to build huge business empires. I got to pick from the rest. Not shabby pickings at all. Beautiful, tall, thin, with ribs that I could count, reed thin legs that went for miles, breasts that I could practically swallow and butts as flat as pancakes. I wasn't too particular. I was young. I was just looking for a quick fuck and a good head in most cases. In limos, in darkened recesses of clubs, even in restrooms. Sometimes I did not see their faces, just felt their bodies. I did wish for something different, but one body is as good as any other when the only thing I was interested in was sex. Conversation was the least of what I wanted from any of these girls. So I did not care if I could not understand what came out of their mouth. I was only interested in what they put in. My dick. And how long they kept it in and how deep they took it. In return I took them for an occasional trip down the red carpet, did not say a word if they used my name and if I was feeling especially charitable went down on them. I used protection of course. I was not stupid. This was Hollywood.

This went on for a few years. Until Tyler met Lauren and I lost my best friend for a while. Initially I did not understand the attraction and fascination Tyler had for her. She was not your typical Hollywood beauty. She also had kind eyes and a genuine smile. Which was rarely found in any of the Hollywood people I encountered. She even had a successful career as a doctor before she left that to try her hand in acting. Initially she did some background work and almost gave up, but one day all that changed. The film she signed on gave her an academy award nomination. But the thing I suspected she most valued was that she also met Tyler in that movie. She would have nothing to do with him initially and he did not consider himself worthy of her. But somehow it all worked out and here they were, married and starting a family. Now three months pregnant, Lauren glowed with happiness. Though her stomach was still flat and no 'baby announcement' was forth coming, I am sure when the paparazzi found out they would be chasing Lauren all over town to get pictures of her 'baby bump'. Now why would someone need to see a 'baby bump' that looks like everyone else escapes me. But there you have it. People magazine even has a dedicated website for celebrity Babies.

I was very happy for them. Truly I was. But I was human enough to feel a pang of self pity for myself. Lauren was a beautiful woman who was chased like me all the time by the paparazzi. So was Tyler, but they took it stride. Even the thought of being chased by paparazzi who would be clamoring for the first belly shots of her did not seem to faze her.

As for me, I met Tanya around the time Lauren and Tyler began dating. I sort of drifted into a 'relationship' with her. But our relationship if you can call it that was mostly sex. We hardly saw each other and when we did we were busy devouring each other. In limos, in hotel rooms, at home. And of course we were a red carpet staple. Tanya saw to it. Tyler and Lauren hardly walked the red carpet together. But I will let you figure out which was the more genuine, lasting relationship. I was slowly becoming disillusioned, but Tanya had her uses I suppose and I certainly made her more famous. And if not her, it would be someone else like her and I was tired of going back into the whirl again. So I procrastinated. Until Tanya crossed the line.

Yesterday was another movie premiere. An important one for me. I have no explanation for what happened next except Tanya had temporary insanity. I had a few rules. The most important was always wear underwear while doing red carpet with me. Well, she did not. And sure enough as soon as she exited the limo she flashed her lady bits and of course the paparazzi were there to document it. I was furious with her. Enough to take a swing at her. But I never hit a woman. Ever. So I punched the nearest object I could see through my rage. Which just happened to be Jacob Black's nose. The notorious paparazzo who took pictures of the Brangelina baby. And I broke it. The fucker will sue me I bet. As for Tanya, she says she forgot. To wear underwear. Huh ? Was she that stupid or that fame hungry I did not know. But it scared the shit out of me and I knew this had to end. Tomorrow.

But today we were pretending nothing was wrong and were at a long scheduled dinner with Tyler and Lauren at their home. Tanya perched on my lap and feeding me things off our plate. And another thing, why the fuck did she always share my plate ? Seeing the genuine happiness and love before me made my decision for me. Why put off tomorrow what I can do today ?

I hurriedly mumbled our apologies and pushed Tanya off my lap. This travesty was going to end today. Before that end though, I planned to give her a send off she would remember. Then, when the publicity hungry bitch gave the inevitable break up interview, maybe she would mention what a great lover I had been. Without giving her time to slip on her shoes, I dragged Tanya to the limo and pushed her onto one of the seats. Once inside the car, she launched into the trillionth spiel on how it was time we moved in and "got serious" about our relationship. It looked like there was only going to be one way to shut her up. When she paused to take a breath, I turned to her and exploded, "Tanya, just shut the fuck up."

She closed her mouth with an audible snap mid harangue and sullenly crossed her arms. I smirked. _Oh, it was going to be like that, was it?_ Fine. I hadn't been told I have magic fingers for nothing. I had big, long fingered hands, and played the piano- and could play a woman just as well. I turned to where Tanya sat pouting beside me, grabbed her behind her knees and roughly pulled her so that she was straddling my thighs. She looked surprised. Normally I ignored her pouts until minutes later she would be down on her knees, sucking me trying to make me happy. But not today. I yanked the strap of her dress until it snapped, falling away to bare her left breast. I leaned down and bit her exposed nipple while pinching her other nipple through the fabric of her dress. Reaching down, I shoved her dress up to her waist and discovered that she was, of course, not wearing any underwear. I mentally rolled my eyes at that unsurprising discovery, although it was convenient that I didn't have to bother removing any panties. Taking advantage of her nakedness, I plunged one finger, then another into her. She was already wet, which eased the way for my immediate possession. I removed one of my fingers and used it to pinch her clit, all the while also rolling her nipple with my other hand. She panted hard, reaching up to fist her hands in my hair. It didn't take long before I could feel her convulsing around my fingers, and she came with a loud, "Edward". I was pretty sure Seth could hear her, even though the privacy glass was raised.

As was our practice, I offered her the fingers that had been in her body and she licked her taste clean. Though the tabloids say I go down on everyone I work with from the catering staff to each of my female co-stars, I have never actually tasted any woman in Hollywood. I always used a barrier between myself and my partner du jour. By this time we had reached Tanya's house and were idling in her driveway. Normally, especially if I had done anything with her in the limo, I would have just let her out and gone home alone. I did have a key to her house of course. Tanya had presented it to me without my asking. Despite having a key to her place, I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I had actually spent the night there. I didn't have any intention on staying the night this time either, but I definitely intended to break our usual routine and go in with her. After all, when this was all over, the break up sex was going to be in print. Might as well make it good, right? Of course, Tanya did not know I was breaking up with her yet, but why shouldn't I avail myself of a comfortable surface while I fucked her brainless one last time?

She looked surprised when I stepped out of the limo, but remembered (probably because there weren't any cameras around) to keep her legs closed and not flash anything when she stepped from the car. "It won't be long, Seth", I said over my shoulder as I half dragged, half carried Tanya to her door. She was so excited that she dropped the key twice before I took it from her and opened the door.

Once inside I kicked the door shut behind me and immediately tore off her excuse of a dress. I was eager to just get this over with. Tanya gasped in excited anticipation. She had a ridiculously huge carved wood table in the foyer with nothing on it. It was the perfect flat surface for my needs. I grabbed Tanya and pulled her to me. She responded immediately, jumping up and wrapping her arms and legs around me. I deposited her on the table and while she looked at me in surprise, she didn't say a word. I stopped only a minute to take out a new dental dam. I like going down on women but I have no interest in contracting an STD, thankyouverymuch. I obsessively practice safe sex, even with a woman who is sort of in a relationship with me. I laid the dental dam on her, and began to bite, lick and suck her. I licked deep into her, swirled my tongue around then bit her clit and sucked on it. While my tongue was busy, I rolled a condom on to my finger and pushed it slowly into her anus. Tanya let out a squeak, thrust her ass high in the air and tensed around my finger for a minute. This was new for us. She had always wanted to try anal sex and even used a few butt plugs to prepare for the day I finally agreed to go that far with her. I never had any interest in letting things go that far between us. But today was a different day. I immediately cupped her ass to relax her. Tanya shivered in anticipation, and began chanting my name. She tugged on her nipples and thrashed her head. I knew she was close, and used my hands and mouth until she came screaming. Two down, more to go. I had once made her come seven times in a 24 hour period- the last time she'd been so exhausted she had cried while she orgasmed. Yes, I am that bastard that counted. I hadn't bragged about it though; I didn't need to. But I never let Tanya forget what I could do to her.

I was standing fully clothed over a naked and spread Tanya. I only stopped a minute to slip a condom on to my massive erection. Time for Round three.

I grabbed Tanya's ankles and pushed her legs in the air. She was sopping wet, her cum running down her legs. Without hesitation, I pushed inside her as deep as I could go and rocked back and forth. At one point, I grabbed her hands and wrapped them around her ankles, holding them together. She was sitting almost in a V position on the table, whimpering and moaning incoherently. I mentally thanked the Pilates gods for her flexibility. I pounded into her, letting my frustration and anger have free rein, unconcerned if Tanya was able to keep up with the strength and rhythm of my thrusts. I released her hands and locked an elbow around her ankles. My free hand roamed down her body to massage and pinch her breasts and nipples, alternating with quick pinches of her clit. She started moving again, her head whipping back and forth and chanting my name like some kind of ecstatic prayer. She lasted only a few more seconds, nearly bucking off the table with her orgasm and almost sending me sprawling to the tile floor. I pounded into her for another minute before following her with my own orgasm. But I was not done yet though. Round three was won, but there were more rounds to go. Tanya would remember me and this night forever.

By now, Tanya's lower body was trembling, tiny shivers rippling out from her clit. She was lying flat on her back with her legs dangling over the edge of the table as she gasped for breath. She couldn't sit up by herself, much less walk, so I once again grabbed her behind her knees and dragged her to the edge of the table before lifting her against me. She automatically wrapped her arms and legs around me and buried her face against my shoulder. I carried her up the stairs and to her bedroom, cupping and kneading her ass as I walked. Her back had impressions from the wood table she had laid on all along her back and butt. I had fucked her that hard. At that point, I didn't care. I still had plans for her. I would give her the one thing she had always wanted from me in bed.

I dumped Tanya unceremoniously on the bed and immediately flipped her onto her stomach. Her breathing had returned to normal and her eyes were bright as she caught on to my intention. Tanya rose on all fours and scooted towards the end of the bed, her ass perfectly positioned for my entry.

Then she looked at me over her shoulder. There was eagerness and excitement for sure in her gaze. But there was also an emotion I had never seen before. Tanya was looking at me with total trust. That stopped me cold. All of my anger suddenly left me. This was break up sex, and no matter what she'd done, Tanya did not deserve what I was about to do to her. I knew I could bring her pleasure. There was no doubt in my mind that she would enjoy the sex. But her first experience of anal sex should be one of pleasure alone, untainted by memories of goodbye sex. Even I wasn't that much of a bastard that I would take that trust from her for a farewell fuck. So I bent to her and softly kissed first one ass cheek, then the other before gently nudging her over to her back. She immediately understood my change in mood. Tanya may have been a fame whore, but she wasn't stupid.

"This was goodbye, wasn't it." It wasn't a question.

I couldn't speak, so I only nodded.

"Was it because of yesterday? Because I can change, you know. I can be whatever you want me to be." Her voice was flat, but I could see the pleading in her eyes. I hoped I wasn't such a selfish SOB that a woman had to change herself to be with me.

No," I said. "You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who loves you. All of you. Not because of what you give them or they can give you. Someone who can see beyond the hype and glamor and love the real you. Bullshit and all. You deserve that."

I waited for the tantrum and anger. I waited for the begging and the tears. They never came. Instead, she opened her arms and I immediately went to her and enveloped her in a gentle embrace. I did something I'd never done before, and pulled her into my lap while she straddled me. In the two years we had been together, I had never once just held her in my lap. She'd sat on my lap plenty of times, but it was always initiated by her and always with the intention of having sex. It was our most frequent position: Tanya on my lap facing me as we had sex in limos, on the couch, on dining room chairs, in the pool, and one memorable instance when we had sex on a private plane while her parents slept four rows in front of us. This woman had shared pieces of her life with me for two years, and most of what I remembered was arguments and sex. It had been great sex, but never anything remotely resembling tenderness or even affection. Tanya was never shy about voicing her physical needs. She liked me going down on her. She liked going down on me. She'd offered to swallow my semen and had let me tie her to the bed posts. At one point, she'd offered to have monthly STD tests if we would stop using condoms and dental dams. But in all that time, even in our most private moments, I held back. In the end, I just didn't trust her. For me, Tanya wasn't much more than a good fuck. She was a means to an end, and I prided myself on bringing her to orgasm every time we had sex. I thought she hadn't changed for me. But the truth was that she had. Tanya used to beg me to just suckle her breasts. But I always palmed her roughly, pinching or biting her nipples. I only cared if she reached orgasm. I was good with my hands, but I was never gentle with her, and I never simply suckled her like she asked without expecting something from her in return. It took me a minute to realize that she had stopped asking a while ago. Instead, she'd simply taken what I was willing to give.

This realization showed me how much of a dickhead I'd been toward her. I wanted to do one thing for her before the saga between us ended. There was nothing that could erase my asshole treatment, but maybe I could leave her with a memory of doing something just for her, of giving her something she'd always wanted from me. I didn't know if it was wrong or right or selfish. I knew the anger would come from her. It was only a matter of time before she realized how awful I really was. But I wanted to give her something to fondly remember long after she gave the break up interview. I can honestly say that I didn't do it to influence anything she might say about me when she finally started talking publicly about our break up.

I leaned Tanya away from me and bent my head to her chest. I swirled my tongue first around her right breast, then her left. I dropped soft, open-mouthed kisses on both breasts and the valley between them. I waited for her to pull my head away, to push herself off me. Instead, she just let her head fall back and wrapped her legs even tighter around my hips. Finally, I suckled her. Easy, gentle pulls at her nipples as she sighed. It was the only sounds she made. After a long while, I lifted my head and saw that her eyes were filled with unshed tears. She hadn't come, but delicate shivers trembled through her entire body. I kissed her nose with probably the only tenderness I'd ever shown her. She buried her face in the crook of my neck as I slowly rocked us back and forth, lightly massaging her back and scalp, until she fell asleep in my arms.

Taking care not to jostle her awake, I gently unwrapped Tanya's legs from around me and tucked her into bed between the silk sheets. I kissed her forehead. This was goodbye. I hoped that one day she would remember me fondly, although I wasn't sure that was completely fair. Maybe she would remember that I wasn't always a complete bastard. As I left her sleeping in her bedroom, I realized my anger had evaporated. I felt empty and alone… and maybe a bit self-loathing at the realization that for two years I had never really given Tanya anything of myself until today.

I locked the door to her house, put the key in the mailbox, and climbed back into the limo for the drive home. I never heard from Tanya again. That break up interview I expected her to give? It never happened.

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who have been kind enough to read, review, put me on alert (even people I do not 'know') and PM/tweet me. **

**Next..the BIG MEET ! So review please ! Thank You !**


	4. Author's Note

Hallo,

Sorry for the long silence. Life has been too busy and I do not have the time right now to give this story the type of attention it deserves.

I wanted to have a posting schedule and do it right, but sometimes life gets in the way. The holiday season is coming up right now and I have plans with family and travel. I do not want to put something slipshod out there as the quality of Twilight fan fiction is very high.

I shall continue from where I left off in 2011. Thank you !

Have a happy Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and New Year.

Whatever you celebrate or nothing at all, may this season be filled with family and friends, love and laughter.

See you in 2011.


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